Today they are going to kill me, I am gonna die. No, not original death but death. Actually it happened seven days back, today it’s telecast. The judges going to throw me out from the gorgeous dance competition, in front of all participants, guardians and millions of viewers, I will leave the floor with shame, frustration and tears, others will hug me and will cry with me. My dream to become Rani Mukherjee, Karina Kapoor will be vanished in a second, my parents will be in a deep shit.
Thousands of my fans will sob for me, and then they will forget. Some of my relatives will cry, some will blast in anger, some will whisper with other, ‘Great, she was flying like a queen, now face the actual reality’.
Actually, from the day after my elimination I am not able to eat properly, not feeling to go to the school, started dancing in front of the mirror . Sometimes clapping on myself, sometimes laughing like a kid, sometimes crying because I didn’t able to become Bips, and sometimes I feeling anger on my parents. On god I never ever wanted to participate in the event, but dad forced me to do so.
– Dance dance, mom started shouting seeing me dancing, “Give point to yourself! The day when you need to dance, you did a big mess and now you are dancing, you are a useless, how can we stand up in front of others now? Shame on you.”
Hearing mom’s voice dad also joined the party, “You are right! I spent money like anything, daily I took her to training class, taking leave from office, so many home works I did, whole night did not sleep, made connections, how many parents will do this? You make her Bipasha, Rani, daily show your face on telly with your daughter, now show!”
– “You are telling me? Didn’t you have any dream? If she get success, we will buy a bungalow in Mumbai, spend holiday in Singapore, Bangkok, her face in movie, telly, advertisement- day dreams!”
– “Why can’t I see dream? If judges take bribe, what can we do? how many girls dance so well like her? I will send show cause notice to the producer.”
– “Enough, we are already in a bad situation, don’t make it worse.”
They were shouting like dogs. Grandma stays downstairs, after grandpa died, her health condition is not at all good, still she was trying to pause the fight. After all mom realised she is going to be late for the office, so she stared at me and told, “Dance Piya Dance, night we will watch yon in telly and then I will see you.”
Yes this is my last night in telly. The show starts 7 pm. Show name is Nach India Nach. There I will dance with gang of boys. They will take me on their lap, they will throw me to others, and I will tolerate everything happily. Because that is a girl’s life, that is Reality.
There the male judges will watch me, then they will judge how much appeal do I have. I have to be the queen of male fantasy, and that’s the reality. This is not my word, in the grooming session before the show begins, chief instructor told us. But I think there was some mistakes in my learning. I impressed them from the beginning but in the vital round, I failed. No I can’t see the situation.
So tension started growing after mom, dad left for the office. Till now I am a small celebrity to others, what they will think if they watch me crying, they watch me failing? School guys speak lots of bad things about me because, I dance in bold dresses, but as I was a celebrity nobody dared to say anything in front of me, from tomorrow they will start. After that mom’s threat, what she will do with me tonight? Will she kick me out from home? Dad also told he spent lots of money for me, what they will do to me now. I started sweating in fear. In evening I told my granny and went out to take fresh air.
Then I started walking, this road, that road. How can I take decision in this mental condition? I don’t know where to go, just walking. The sunlight gone off, still I was walking. Suddenly I saw I am in a place, which is kind of jungle, dead pond, bamboo trees.
I stopped, I realized that the place is not at all good, so started back! But suddenly four five guys came in front of me, I don’t know from where.
– Who the hell are you? I asked.
One big guy came and held my hand, and others made a round, I was in the center of the gravity I think. They all were drunk. First I was nervous, but I controlled myself, I faced many guys in past few months, and had tough grooming session too. Smartly I cleared me from that guy and asked – “What do you want?”
– First you tell me, what do you want? Why you are roaming around here and there? Do you know this place? This is Dhapa Math.
Shit, this place is badly famous for murders, rapes, I got tensed. The guy smiled at me and told,
– Right boss, I think some problem in head office, don’t know can be AIDS patient, no need to do anything.
– May be police agent, they brought them from brothels.
– What! Police!!!! Let’s leave her here.
They left alone me in the dark. Just now they were telling that they loved me, now I am a prostitute? I have AIDS? Can’t have sex with me? Wow, I think they are the brothers of the judges, first they put you in the 13th floor and then they
That night I couldn’t able to sleep properly. I don’t know something is going in my head, I am not feeling well. Is it the symptom of madness? Yes, may be. Yesterday night when I came back, my parents got tensed sawing my face, fully mud ed body. And after hearing the whole story of Dhapa Math, they concluded that I am gone crazy. That night only they decided they will consult a psychiatrist. Sometimes it happen when people lost in their dream, can be cured by medicine. But if not, after spending lots of money then again dad will scold me. Nah, I have to leave home.
The light of the dining place is on. It means granny is still awake. Granny is old, does not get sleep properly, whole night she reads books, listens musics. Once upon a time she was a good classical singer. She used to tell me, listen the music, you will understand after getting old enough.
I started walking like a cat, tried to open the door lock. There is a sound, I turned back, granny. She has seen me. Oh god!
– Pia, what are you doing there? Come here.
If I try now, hearing sounds parents will get up. I obeyed granny. Granny took me to her room.
– Where are you going?
– Out, I am a crazy and crazy people don’t stay at home.
– Who said you are crazy? She was crying.
– No not you we are crazy, we don’t know our goal just racing, not leaving the children also.
I was listening to her.
– To get a flower you need to wait, you won’t get the result in one day. I told them, nobody listens to me. Pia, you won’t go anywhere.
– Wow, granny you are so angry!!!
– I should, my dear Pia, what they are doing with you? Eh, you became so thin. When time comes , flowers show the color, but you have to wait for that.
I wanted to leave home, I wanted to leave my lovely granny? I am really a mad… Granny started singing a thumri. And shocking thing is that I am able to understand the feelings of it. I don’t know when I became so old.
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This is story in no real but it is happening in India now a days. Read the news here.
Inspired by Chander Buri, ABP.
Letter to editor from Amitava Bannerjee. See here.
Also read: I will commit suicide if he dies | Manoj Mishra Story |
Rough Notes 
Its nice ..